The Shade of Her Love

What it makes a woman—The Mother

Mother is not just a word we speak—it's something we feel. From the most drastic situation of life to the most wonderful one, the person who just stood by you all the time is your mother. Even if you do not see her, think that she won't be able to understand or act in a way that will embrace you, or when you’re too busy protecting the image you’ve built of yourself—she is always there. The only person in a life who serves you twice your appetite, cooked in thrice the ghee required to cook with an infinite amount of love still does not budge to taunt you about how fat you have become.

Quite inexperienced about mother-son relations, I know that a mother-daughter relationship is not something one can describe. It is beyond words, beyond imagination, a surreal.

It is a bitter-sweet relationship in which one misses the fights and fixed dialogues more than hugs and lovely words. A world in which they are friends, makeover artists, teachers—and most importantly a dairy.

They share the knowledge that the world has to offer from their perspective, they swim through rivers of pain and emotion together—understanding what it feels like to endure disastrous menstrual cycles or to stumble through menopause. They can spot a mean girl’s attitude from a mile away and teach you exactly how to stay kind.

A bond where one grows up seeing the hurdles and rhythm of a household and carries those lessons to another with just a connection on a phone call to ask about the extra pinch of salt in Dal Makhani.

The journey of becoming a mother starts years back when a girl is birthed by her mother.

This blog is not a dedication, nor a tribute

This is a heartfelt emotion—of a mother made by a mother.

🔹 Memories

Aren't, we as humans live a lot on memories? We are parasites whose host is memories. But, what can you recall about your mother? Her priceless smile? Her wrinkles when she is worried? Or a gesture she does like fidgeting her fingers when she is stressed?

Her scent? Or her face?

We, humans, have a picture-perfect image of everyone we adore, but our mother is always the same for us, we see the same image, experience the same warmth, and feel the same way with whatever name you call her... Maa, Mom, Mumma, Mummi, Ammi, Biji, or Mimo.

But do we feel the same in every phase of life? Well no, we remember her always, no doubt but what about our teenage? In childhood, we were stuck to her like chewing gum but can you recall any one of the incidents when you accidentally let her down and later in adulthood realize, "Oh! I was wrong" but never confessed because you know she can not forgive because she was never angry but just hurt and there is no medicine on earth that can heal an emotional wound.

🔹 Lessons Learned

Well, I did many things that would have hurt my mimo but one and by far the most important lesson I learned while unknowingly hurting her, which I am going to take to my grave is “Kindness Is Quiet.” What happened is quite an engaging story. Let's go back to the early twenties when phones were not quite popular and one had to travel to specific offices to pay the bills.

I guess I was between three to five as I remember one thing, that I was holding my mother's left hand's tiny finger and my brother who is two years younger than me in her arms. She was taking us back home, I don't remember why we were out though...

We were crossing the market and, out of nowhere I craved popcorn which was on a display on a cart. And I wonder why my little brain thought that we gave all of the money to an office, and we didn't have money to even go in a rikshaw, that's why we are walking. So what did that girl do? Told her popcorn wish to mom? Hell No!! She tries to steal just one popcorn while walking from the street vendor.

And guess what, she succeeded, only to be caught by her mom. Later what comes?

A slap? No!! She took that little girl back to the uncle from whom she stole just one popcorn, told him everything, and bought a packet. But did the girl enjoy the popcorn? Well yes, she ate it remembering the disappointed face of her mother who bought it.

It was clear in my mind that if I was involved with cheating, stealing, or misleading, it questioned her more than me.

She could’ve defended me, saying it was just one kernel—but instead, she chose what was right. She taught me respect, what she showed to hard earning uncle, and kindness, by not yelling at me and showing that it is wrong is always Quiet.

🔹 The Growing Relationship

A mother from mother, well this is in our culture. If anyone does something wrong, the first dialogue to be heard is, "Didn't your mom teach you this?"

Our moms are the ones who spark a fire in us to become something greater. Well in the case of daughters, they burn us for our good. A mom is always a mom, irrespective of having a daughter or son, it is just the way she taught them changes. They know which is best for what child.

A daughter-mother relationship grows like how our teeth grow.

At first, like we become happy when an infant grows his/her baby teeth, a mom practically dolls up her little one. But as the teeth grow, they bite the one who feeds, likewise a little one shows tantrums to her mom the most.

As the baby's teeth fall and there is nothing to see, the little one is now a beautiful teen who thinks she is the most ugly person in the whole world. An open invitation to heated arguments and war is set. This phase is crucial for a girl to become a woman let alone a mother. This is the time when one feels that their mom is not at all understanding.

And yet...

Somehow, after the storm, peace finds its way back, they are best friends now, and suddenly a girl relates to her mom the best. Leave that seven-eight-year-old friendship, mom is one who knows me!! The only one who really gets you.

🔹 Celebrating Her Strengths

Moms are fighting a battle we can not understand because she is always keeping an umbrella of love above us. Dare a single worry to pass that umbrella. We realize that strength when we are out of that shade.

How do you thank someone who taught you how to love by simply being?

The answer is simple, to celebrate her, to celebrate her victories, her smile, and remember—every day is a Mother's Day.

~Floe